It's kind of humiliating actually, to be falling sick. Went to the doctor because I just couldn't handle the sting my throat has been harassing me with. Thought I was tough enough, but apparently I was down with fever too. Amazing day of my life.

I once heard a line that said "you gotta be dealing with yourself at the end of the day". Every night I rehearse back the scenes where I caught myself being stagnant, I beat myself with such past. It accumulates and at the end of the working week when I know I could've done better at work (like how I could've handle tough situations, how my colleagues gives me the look when I should be doing something) and all the negative energy that I suppress, in that moment itself I could feel the unsatisfactory bench mark of my own self-being. I could feel my skin eating me to the bone. Now that is not what one should be feeling.

Everyone, everyone that I know is going further with their studies while I'm stuck here doing something that I love which apparently will not get me anywhere further. If I put things on hold, to make myself a better player in this game, could I get it back? I'm struggling just to meet ends meet and I swear I am in a mess. Everytime I am alone the picturesque thoughts of my close friends, my boyfriend tells me that I am at the bottom of the food chain.

Fever made me think this much.. I really need a break.